:'(

喜不喜歡 習不習慣 我總說不出個答案。
往前一步 我會摔跤 往後一步 我會跌倒。
想挽回卻挽回不了 只有一方努力 那我該怎樣。

有時候總是覺得自己無法把自己的情緒控制好
這樣很不好受 我總對自己說
想要改可是卻改不到

並不喜歡一下子掉入谷底的那種感受
就好像所有能讓我開心的事都無法讓我露出笑容

╮(╯_╰)╭
本來好好 怎麽忽然這樣
我這樣好對不起自己 又讓自己不開心了

啊 好煩。


你是故意逗我笑的是嘛
我好想笑你 怎麽那麽笨蛋
可是怎麽想笑 卻笑不出
對不起 又讓你煩心了

O.O Surgery

Ouhhhh
Now I know,
the name of my so called "sickness"
Is Acute Appendicitis.
Nice name.

Especially the acute in front. As if everything's so serious.
Owh. It is.
*chuckles*
And yeah,
I was hospitalized on 22nd of April, Monday.

A nurse came in asking me to change into the surgery robe.
It's nice, that robe.
Checked skirt in red. :)
Not bad. I love checked clothes.
And so I'm lying on the bed. Being pushed by two nurse with mummy walking beside me.
All the way down to the surgery room.
And I was asked to lie down there for more than half an hour I guess.

The anesthetic doctor came.
Telling me the side effect after I'm put off to sleep.
Mmhmm, everything seem so easy that time.
After that, he sprayed some stuff onto my hand.
It's COLD. Super cold. I can't even feel my fingers.
And so he jabbed something into the middle of my hand.
Yeah. I don't really feel anything.

Not long later,
I'm finally brought into the surgery room.
Okay, it's exactly what we see in the movies.
Many green shirt human walking around, only showing their eyes.
And then there's this light on the ceiling, the one where doctors shine right on top of the place you're going to be cut.

And they tied both of my arms. Not really tie, but I can't really move my arms around.
And suddenly there's this pain coming from my right hand. Yeahhhhh
They're putting in the anesthetic now.
And I heard one nurse doing some report..
Urm.. Something bout the time, the surgery name, doctor involved and nurses involved.

After that, I start hearing voice. People talking.
Then I feel this pain. From my tummy. T^T
But I can't open my eyes.
I keep wiggling around, moving my head.
Then someone came over, telling me that the surgery is over.
I was like, " WHAT "
Okay. Fine. I don't remember anything.
After that I went back to my room. I can see :目
FINALLY

The worst night ever.
T^T Pain nauseous vomiting.
The next day, I feel better.
But it hurts everytime I laugh.
><
Friends visited me.
YihTong, Brandon, Hanson, Kah Lok, Yi Heng, and Turkey.
A nice heart to heart talk.

:)
And the next day I'm back home.
WHEEEE
That's all for my story.
A nice yet painful experience.
And I won't do a surgery again.
Unless it can't be helped.

倔强

忽然才发现 原来自己真的很在乎
才发现原来自己心里承受不住
自己撑了那么久
感觉上心里的墙忽然倒下
心累了 什么也撑不了
又不能放声大哭
就静静地抽泣 原来很幸苦
就算流泪 不让别人知道自己什么时候最脆弱
信息依然要回 帖子依然要复 笑脸依然要放

我要让自己习惯
至少习惯了 就不会流泪了

我多希望自己能那么残忍
残忍到任何一切发生都不关我的事
残忍到别人的感受也都不关我的事

我还希望自己能残忍到把语言当一把刀刺进你的心
让你知道我的心是什么感受
但是我做不到
我始终把你放在前面 就算多不喜欢 也残忍不到

我懦弱。
不像你那么坚强
不像你那样 不需要迟疑也能做出那么残酷的事

就算我多么不想让这件事影响我
但是怎么觉得我已经被影响了
但是 谢谢你的残酷
让我流泪 让我知道我的努力白费
那我可以停止一切

我就算不能真正开心
我也要用我的假笑
把你那像我一样撑的快死的心给弄死掉。

我要用我的假笑
让你知道原来世上有人比你更能假
把你那个那么会对人假笑的心给打败掉。

然后我会坚强
用我从心的笑
让你知道我能多么坚强。

不想被影响
却始终被影响。
就连最能逗我笑的人 说的话
我都笑不出了。
感谢一直在逗我笑的你
我答应你自己会学着坚强
不为不值得的事流泪。
我要更爱惜我的泪

其实我只需要那几个爱我的人
我的生命可以少了你
就像你的生命可以少了我。

ღ Changes.

最近改变很多
总是觉得这个改变后 好像变得更惨了
是自己信心不够
还是自己能力不够

总是在问自己
到底有没有这个能力
如果是以前的我一定可以用一个王八蛋语气讲有
可是现在怎么觉得那么难了

很庆兴的时还有些真的支持自己的人
在身边给自己勇气
鼓励的话 总算能让我前进那么一点点
我答应自己 就算跌得多伤 也要勇敢爬起来

这世界 总算能容纳小小的我
我活着的目的是做好自己
而不是讨好别人
吸取每一个教训 每一个劝告 珍惜每一分钟
这是我应该做的

他说我想太多
她说我想太多
我是真的想太多了吗 :(

A sudden urge

A sudden urge to eat Ice cream.

Even though I'm cold and hungry. :/

Listened to so many songs just now.

And now I feel somehow more contented. :)

I went to look back at pictures,

Those that brought back lots of memories.

While listening to Mayday's singing and of course another person's one.

Sounds like he enjoyed himself loads.

And I found a few pictures I really love.

I guess I'll post a few of them. 

Hehe

I really hope I can always smile like this, like an idiot that didn't know what the world meant.

And I find it so hard to go back to the days that I lived like this.

Everything's so blurry and it's like I'm having a flashback of everything, at once.

For now, I might not have enough confidence 

But I will find it. No matter what the decisions are, I'm ready.

Come On! And charge right into me.

I'll be an egg that'll never fall.

Hopefully, with my small legs. *MUAHAHA*

I'm just being sarcastic, never mind me. :目

ღ 感恩的心

其实 我没有想过自己做的一切会有人看见

也没有想过真实的情况是怎样

我就是想时间快点过 问题快点解决

一切就结束了

但是原来事情没有那么简单

哭过了 才知道泪是咸的

痛过了 才知道心会痛的

伤过了 才知道坚持是需要的

无论今后决定是什么 在这短短的时间

我会坚持不放弃

感恩那些那么支持我的人

因为他们我才能醒悟

而变得更坚强。

生命中出现的贵人并不是理所当然

我不想让自己习惯

有了这种习惯我会失去控制自己的理智

：） 怎样都好谢谢你们的存在。

ღ Depression : To Hell With It.

I really don't understand why I chose depression as the topic of my oral test.
Maybe because I remembered the two friends who brought me back from it.
Maybe I once went through it and I learnt how to be optimistic.
Not wanting to remember those past.
But I think that it's time to reflect and of course,
To put all effort in this topic.

I searched for quite a lot of information.
And I guess verbal abusing that causes depression will do.
Because that was the main reason I went through depression.
But my kind of depression was just minor.

I never did much to hurt myself.
And I did not hurt others.
I just went through slight depression and felt that I was useless.
That's all. I don't feel like talking, I get mad at people all the times.
I vent my anger at non-living things, I cry into my pillow.
Then I met friends who takes me for who I am.

The ones who control me just enough for me to calm down
And not go over the borders.
I never knew my limits last time.
It was them, who stayed by me.
We argue we fight we talk we cry together.
We're there for each other.
We call up each other even in midnight just to make sure they are okay.
We cry over small and big matters
We trust each other a lot, so much that when we see each other,
There's always tears.
Trust. That's why there's tears.
Because that's when you feel so secure and tears can just flow so naturally.

I love them. And without them telling, I know they love me.
And that's just all I need.

And I wrote a poem while thinking of them, and also the verbal abuse I went through which I can't handle.
They're not bloggers but they visit occasionally.
I do hope they sees this.
I love both of you, a lot.
So much that I can't describe. :)

And so, here's the poem.
" A Glimpse Of Hope"

A side you can't see,
Is one's most hurting side,
Not knowing what's hurtful,
There you go, mocking someone.

A person not being cared,
Tears rolling down the cheeks,
A rip, a gash, a blood dripping heart,
Expressions expressed in that muffled cry.

Hate is a game that cheats,
Depression is a torture that destroys,
Happiness is a fruit beared yourself,
Confidence is a self-esteem to fight depression.

So how do you get from here to there?
Well, you must first believe you can,
There's always a glimpse of hope,
But it's your life and it's in your hands.

Take small steps and before you know it you're there,
You'll be standing tall, telling people you're no longer scared,
You'll tell people to stop verbal abusing,
And all you need is a few supportive friends, and your own optimistic heart.

是你们让我成长

学会不是一切理所当然

在我喘不过气的那瞬间 是你们陪伴着我

所有我承受过的挫折

你们仍然记得 还给予我鼓励

谢谢你们的陪伴

让我变得更坚强

我真的爱你们

符慧芳  吴佩琳

蓝蓝的天空。

今天好莫名其妙的开心

因为早放。 :)

肢体就算不累

饱饱的肚子也让脑袋进入半醒状态  眼皮也渐渐沉重

我在学校的凉亭躺了2 0 分钟。

那2 0 分钟都在仰望那蓝蓝的天空

脑中也晃过了好多的画面

我就这样在自己的世界过了很美好的2 0 分钟。

自己拥有的异常的多 只怪自己当初不懂得耐苦  不懂得说服别人 不懂得用心去想

贪玩 也能带来很多的后果

自己知道却不去顾虑这么多

当初我想 人生嘛 怎么把自己累得要生要死 人生活来就是吃喝玩乐和自己疼爱的朋友和人快乐的享受生活。

现在我想 人生嘛 怎么都会有上上下下左左右右 这要看自己的坚持能带自己到哪里 和有谁能和自己渡过这短短的人生。

尽情享受 却不忘珍惜自己能够拥有的东西。

我让很多很美好的东西溜过 现在也后悔自己曾不牢牢捉住的东西

但是 过去的就让他过去吧

好多好多对我来说很重要的人 进出我的生活

我为了对我来说很重要的东西  一个大家庭   失去了一个很好很好的朋友。

伤心过 才知道 这根本不应该是失去他的原因。

一方太忙抽不出时间 一方无法忍受没被注意的日子

美丽的友情就这么破裂。

眼泪不曾出现

因为自己明确知道 捉住了一个对我来说很重要的东西 就无法照料到所有人的感受

之前很懊恼很讨厌 因为我曾是那个不被注意的人

但现在我总算明白为什么照料不到所有人了。

:') 我不能确定别人能够原谅我 但是我能够理解不被原谅的原因了

不需要生气也不需要懊恼 这段时间好好相处

那我没遗憾了