Surprisingly heart-broken

Yesterday was fall-in
When for it, without expecting anything bad will happen

After fall-in, we went to KH block to gather
Then secretary talk bout our BFA
The results are out

And.. so few ppl passed
And when it's my turn
I'm so nervous..
Gosh.. Palms are sweating and stuffs like that
And then sec. says: " we can see your hard work but you failed written test "

I think it's something like that
Coz after the word BUT
I knew what was going to happen
I didn't know why did I cry
But tears just can't stop flowing

This is the 1st time I've cried for exams
Last time I was like.. Who cares bout exams
Until I've joined St. John in Cochrane
I've aimed high enough
Barely missing even one Wednesday and Saturday meeting
Fridays fall-in too.
NEver once I missed it

I didn't know since when St. John starts to become part of my heart, part of my life
I take it so much more important than any other things
I studied so hard for written test, staying up past midnight trying to cram everything in First Aid Book into my small brain

I'm not that good in memorizing things you know.
I've even did many notes about everything in First Aid Book
I can't say that I might not forgotten some things inside there
But I daresay I put in an effort to study St. John
To strive further, to excel in it

Never once I've tried so hard for any school exams, even piano exams.
Like I cared so much about them, I don't really cared bout them
I can say that BFA exam is the most important exam, the only one that I truly cared about
Sec. says I've passed my practical, which proves I'm a good first aider
Even though I've passed all my practical,
I didn't passed my written test

I was longing to get that collar badge
Can't remember how many nights I've spent reading, making notes, memorizing first aid..
I've lost count, or maybe didn't care so much
As if it's because of St. John, It's worth it
St. John attracted me a lot

Now, I'll had to wait for the Re-BFA next week
Even if I do pass next week, IF
I guess a lil part of my heart will still be unsatisfied

Why?
Those that're not so active, not putting much effort in studying first aid can past it
Why can't I?
I've already passed the hard bit.
The strict officer actually gave me a PASS for my CPR and choking
Why can't I pass written test
That's the only thing that gave me a FAIL

I've cried like one hour?
I think it affected my history paper. quite a lot
I've like, weep, for 3 times..
It's actually lucky i have my handkerchief with me

To be honest, I've aim for a president post next year
I guess this will vanish if I fail the 2nd time
I've learnt a lesson

Never give in high hopes on anything
The higher you hope for, the more hurting you'll be


Please pray for me yah.
So I'll past the 2nd exam
Or else.. I'll have to cry my eyeballs out again~